By Blake Starsong
As prepared as we have ever been, and based on the flimsiest of leads, we plunged into the Misty Forest seeking a green dragon, following 400 year old directions to a water-side resort in which Hitum wanted to bathe.
Our first noble detour turned out to be a test by the Keeper of the Woods, who bestowed upon us beautiful garlands. Not the sort of lei I am used to from women in the bush, but, given my track record, probably a wiser choice. She turned into an owl, and flew of before I had a chance to thank her as only I can. The prying eyes of the dragon’s critters were not on us while we were wearing the leis, and we approached the waterfall untroubled.
Well, if you consider a tunnel of spiders and ettercaps of little consequence. I managed to Thunderwave Ryndal, and push him towards a berserk Hitum. As prepared as ever. A creepy night in the Hut, and then a charging elephant to clear our path brought us to the waterfall.
Ryndal dived in for a look, Kash took to the air, I hid, and Hitum admired his beard reflected in his shield. Behind the waterfall was a cave guarded by four elves. A casual conversation reveals that they are cowards (a common theme in this cave) and the split the scene. Disguising ourselves as cultists, we venture further in. Kash’s aggressive bluff quickly dissolved when Hitum beheaded one of the local Drogonclaws. In an act of “shoot first and ask questions later”, I lit up the adjoining room with a fireball. It seemed to work: Hitum took some damage. Suddenly the very cave fought back, and I was rooted to the spot, by roots. The Lair was the most effective enemy in this battle.
Chuth appears and in an act of heoric optimism, Kash points at him and screams “die”. Now I haven’t known her long, and Shadow did speak of her ability to perform magic miracles, but this would have been amazing! Funnily enough, the dragon didn’t die, although he did seem a little worse for wear. My experience in being beaten to death in these combats has taught me not to hang around. Dimension door as a cloud of noxious gas rolls in. (Fortunately it is a fairly technical spell which only gasses people at certain ticks of the clock.)
I cast a Wall of Force around Ms/Mr Neronvain, and hide for my life. I tried to shape the wall to also trap Chuth inside the cave, but my magic skills failed me. I must study harder. Meanwhile, the big green chicken is thumping Ryndal and Hitum with his tail, and…where the fuck has Kash gone? And what is that T-rex doing in here??? Well, biting Chuth on the tail, it seems. Boy, that made him hop! In fact, he has scarpered. I fear for the elves outside: hopefully Chuth will want to guard his lair, not seek revenge on the poor non-heroes.
Meanwhile, some more elves and a few ettins have joined the party, bashing the T-rex, fireballing HItum (who seems unphased) and the lair is charming us all. Indomitable Hitum resists, and looks for something to bash. Fireball ettin – dead. Kash (she’s back? and where’s the T-rex?) convinces an elvish knight to piss off like a little girl. Ryndall is looking like I normally do in these fights: bleeding and lying on the ground.
All the while Neronvain has been encased in a force dome. Hitum is bashing on it, and so pop – a larger force dome over the top. It is the Berserk-Dwarf-Tranny-Dragonspeaker snow dome. After Hitum’s inevitable victory, he is rewarded with a belt of Hill Giant Strength. Maybe he can finally wield that maul he has been carrying around.
Fighting lots of monsters and dragons is no longer daunting – we are the Heroes of Greenest and more. However, the final words of Neronvain have chilled me to the core.
“It is too late. All is assembled. The rituals have begun.” and worst of all
“You have been lied to.”
Did the metallic dragons lose the black mask? Is Lord Volmer not really a friend? Does Tallis still love me? Is Remi seeing someone else? What could he mean?
How to fight dragons
Don’t be fearful at arrival time.
Don’t stand together in a straight line.
Lure them from the lair.
Keep them from the air.
Cut off all escapes.
Don’t wear flammable capes.